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'The Bit Of Getting Angry'
Jacque Fresco's Classic Lecture Series

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Alright, in talking about the same subject,

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I don't know how many of you
are going to be able to make this point.

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The bit of getting angry ...

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the habit of getting angry I should say.

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We all have the habit of getting angry.

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The habit of getting angry is
essentially related to this:

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that, for the moment, you have become
subjectively involved with something.

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And love, like I said before,
is a very subjective thing

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and therefore it tends to induce
subjective aspects of behavior.

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And I would suggest this:

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that as you fall in love with somebody

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or as you become that involved
with somebody emotionally,

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to be able to sit back
and enjoy the relationship

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and yet not get sucked into the vortex

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of the ultra-subjectivity,
where you lose perspective.

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Let me say it another way.
Yesterday I mentioned at the session that

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the dangers of love

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was that it was a subjective thing.

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and what would take its place is
"understanding"

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and I'll use that word in different ways.

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When I say "understanding" -

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a high degree of predictability
about the person you're with.

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Ah, areas-... This represents a person,

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and this represents that person's
predictability about the other person.

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Now, if I were to ask

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this person that has this scale of
predictability about this person

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"What about thus and so?"

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[He says] "Well,
I don't know that person in that area."

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If you can do that,
it's very difficult to do.

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I don't know what my car
is like on mountain roads.

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But I like it in the city.
I like it in Miami, but in San Francisco

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the car may give me a lot
of different problems;

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going up hills and down hills,
all kinds of problems.

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So when I go to San Francisco,
I've got to do something else brand new.

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This is an exaggerated hill in San Francisco.

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When you park your car,
you turn your wheels toward the curb

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when you put your brakes on.

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A lot of people leave the
wheels headed downhill

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and they pull the brakes on,
the same way they pulled it on

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in the flat country.
And so, if the brakes were to release

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at least your car will go into a
building on the side of the hill

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or the wheels will hit the curb.

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But if you put them straight, you've
made no adjustment for that new country.

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So when you meet a new person,

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instead of subjectively saying
"I love everything about that person"

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[say]
"I love everything I KNOW about that person."

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We also must say "What is it that
I don't know about the person?"

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I don't know what their work habits are like.
Let's say... Can I use you?

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Let's say I live with you and you're ...
playing your violin.

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And I say ah ... "Shit, you know,

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you've been playing for 4 hours,
we haven't had any time together at all."

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And you say "It's just another 20 minutes"
and I say "Oh, alright."

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When you say "just another 20 minutes"
you've contradicted my need. See?

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I'm not saying this is true;
it isn't true.

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Because the reason I brought it up is
because I have a need to be with you.

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And you said "another 20 minutes,"
you just interrupted [my need].

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Now, if you said to me

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"I'm gonna play for about 4 hours,
maybe 5 hours. Can you take it?"

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and I said "I don't know" and you said
"Tough shit. This is a must for me,

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as important as our relationship,
my rehearsing with violin."

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Then I've got to learn to
not "permit" you, but to "allow" -

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I must accept that difference, without saying

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"Huh! She thinks more of her violin
practice than she does of me!"

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Is that alright?

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Now, if you are a hand holder,
an all-day hand holder -

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let's say you're a hand
holder for 8 hours -

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and I get my complete relief and kicks
by holding hands for an hour and a half

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and I'm completely gratified,
because that's all I need,

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but she needs 3 hours of it,

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I have no right to say "Why don't
you become a 2-hour hand holder?"

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and she has no right to say
"Why don't you become an 8-hour hand holder?"

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You've got to understand there's a
difference on the part of the other person.

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And if you're more educated in that area

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I would generally suggest
submitting to the difference

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of the person that needs
the 8-hour hand holding.

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You know why?
Because it should be easier for you.

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It's more difficult for a person
that's subjectively involved.

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Is there anyone that doesn't understand that?

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It's easier for you.

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It's easier for me!

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Now, if my daughter, when she was 15,
did 22 stupid things in a row,

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I'm always pleasantly
surprised because it wasn't 28!

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Because I used to say
"What can you expect of Bambi?"

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(That's my daughter's name.)

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What can I expect of my mother?

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when my mother does 27 stupid things an hour

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(I'm using derogatory language here)

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because that is her pattern.

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And if one day she does something really
pleasant and makes several good decisions

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I say "I'm sure glad you're over that" -
nobody's "over that."

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No personality that you've
known over the years

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undergoes a quantum jump in behavior.

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. . .

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